Birdwalk

And the winner is "...some kind of fungus"

Thanks to all of you who helpfully emailed me to say that horrifying thing growing in my mulch is a fungus of some sort. You are, indeed, correct. A bit of research revealed that that funny looking thing is what's called a Dog Stinkhorn, so named because A.) it smells and attracts flies -- which I can personally confirm and B.) it looks like an unmentionable part of a dog's anatomy. And, being a dog person, I can understand why the thing chose to grow in my yard. That mud-looking oozy stuff is actually spore mass, and the flies are drawn to the smell, land on the spore mass, and transport the spores elsewhere when they leave. It is not harmful to people or animals, and, in fact, in some countries is eaten as an aphrodisiac.

Needless to say I will not be serving Dog Stinkhorn at my house anytime soon.

What the hell is this?

Attention all gardeners! Please help me identify this revolting "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" thing.


This strange thing, believe it or not, is growing in my garden, along the hedges. It is disgusting. It is big, and orange, and that brown stuff on it is not mud, it is actually something extruded by the plant itself. If you poke it, this life form feels rubbery. That mud-stuff comes off on whatever you poke it with. It is the most disgusting organism I've ever seen.  

cad I hab a tissue?

Oh, yeah, forgot to mention...picked up a nice little cold. Can't take a day off without coming down with something, can I?

Apparently Lenin also stayed at this hotel at some point...(actually this is a former President whose name escapes me.) 

We stopped in a town called Red Bank and I had a bunch of really good cinnamon-roasted almonds. This was just the beginning of the dietary train wreck that the weekend eventually became. 

The view from our room early on Saturday morning. I swear this is the Jersey Shore. Really.  

Minibreak

I think in the UK they call long weekends "minibreaks", don't they? Anyway, no matter what they call it, I had one last weekend. My husband and I went "down the shore" as the Jersey folks say and spent a couple of days at a slightly shabby but nonetheless nice hotel right on the beach. This hotel had a spa and I had something called a Hot Stone Massage which involves the use of heated, smooth stones during the massage...I can highly recommend this, if you ever get the opportunity. Right before the massage the therapist comes up to me and says, "Hi, I'm Jeannette, I'll be doing your hot rocks." I'm serious, that's what she said. I also had a seaweed hydrobath or some such thing which I can also highly recommend even though I thought it would be stupid.

Another highlight is seeing Asbury Park for the first time in what must be -- gulp -- almost 30 years. My grandparents used to take me there every summer until I guess the area got too bad and they didn't want to go anymore...I'd heard how bad Asbury had deteriorated but nothing prepared me for the complete desolation of the place. Also, everything seems a whole lot smaller to me now. I kept quoting Springsteen lyrics to my husband, going, "Look, Honey, beyond the palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard! There's the Palace! There's the boulevard! Hey, remember when he said the amusement park rises bold and stark...well the amusement park he's talking about was over there..." I think I was kind of annoying. Those little trips down memory lane are never as interesting to others, as hard as you try to bring them along for the ride.

Silly photos of the weekend to come...

This is refugee Mickey. He's fleeing a tyrannical dictator. See his sad, sad face.  

Finally: Photos!

I'm just fooling around with this new photo feature on Blogger...here are a couple of test photos and captions for your enjoyment. If it works, more to come. Warning: expect many dog photos.

In this photo, please know that my butt is not really as big as it looks...I have a bunch of stuff in my right back pocket. I'm fat, just not THAT fat.


Mickey, mom and our obedience school instructor as we receive our diploma.  

Garage door update

Remember when I said I thought I got ripped off by the company who fixed my garage door? Well, I take that back and then some...it appears that what's happened is the exact opposite of being ripped off...it's been over a month and they haven't cashed my check yet.

For the gals

So ladies, if you don’t already have one, rush right out and get yourself one of these nifty new Intuition razors. Each disposable blade comes surrounded by a “skin conditioning solid” that sort of soaps up and smooths the way for the blade, and makes shaving in the shower a lot less of a drag (pun intended.) Of course, now I’ll have to take out a second mortgage on my house to be able to afford the exorbitantly expensive blade refills.

Uncle

I have spent a good portion of my thirty-five years on this planet pathetically trying to forge connections with other human beings. I really am a sad case, smiling at strangers on the street, being kind to waitresses and shopkeepers and holding doors for people. I used to think that that deep down we’re all the same, trying our best to get along in the world, and basically good at heart. If you show someone a little kindness then maybe they’ll be nicer to someone else, and so on, and so on, creating a World Wide Web of niceness.

Yeah right.

I give up. There is no such thing. With very few exceptions, people are self-absorbed, jaded, and pissed off most of the time. You are really, really lucky if you end up with a handful of real, honest-to-goodness relationships in an entire lifetime. I finally realize that I have wasted an awful lot of time laboring under a ridiculous Pollyanna-esque delusion. I wonder why it took me so long to figure this out when it seems that everyone else caught on a long, long time ago.

Look up

Now there's an ad on my blog for something called "Sterilized Owl Pellets", whatever that is.